“A few years ago I went to San Juan, Puerto Rico, to visit my friend [the director] Ángel Manuel Soto. Rootbeer—that’s my dog—came with me. On New Year’s Day a big group of us went to the beach—I’m intentionally trying to avoid telling you which one. I would never divulge this perfect slice of heaven. That makes no sense at all. It had primo water, not too cold, and no rocks, so you can touch the floor. I surfed a bit. I was a gymnast as a child, so I can ride a wave no problem, except that I’m five foot three and surfboards are, I don’t know, closer to six feet, so if the wrong wave ever catches me—boom—I’m dust. The main thing we did was a long swim in the ocean. I’m talking about three hours of swimming. Well, at least I did. Other people were coming and going; [the actor] Anthony Ramos was there for a while. And there was a lot of chatter, like, ‘Yeah, New Year’s Day, we gotta swim last night off.’ I thought to myself, Can I really do small talk in the ocean? I’m the wrong guy for that. So I went and did laps. I think a lot of people see the ocean as something to dip in or sit by. I don’t understand all those beach shenanigans—like, I don’t get sunbathing. I’m there to swim. I’m that person you see in the water and go, ‘Is that person swimming across the entire ocean?’ I like to do a backstroke so I can look up at the sky and feel like I’m in a snow globe. At night I like to look up at the stars. Though I did sit with Rootbeer on the beach for a while. What did I think about? Well, my surfboard has a decal of Carl Sagan on it. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the ending of the film Contact, with our friend Jodie Foster, but there was water [in the parallel dimension Foster’s character journeyed to]. Why wasn’t she surfing there? What a trip! Surf’s up, right?”
Natasha Lyonne stars in The Fantastic Four: First Steps, in theaters July 25, and season 2 of Poker Face, now streaming on Peacock.
This article appeared in the July/August 2025 issue of Condé Nast Traveler. Subscribe to the magazine here.
