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It all starts with an ambiguous number wrapped in a compliment. Shuffling in the lift line as you merge toward a new bubble eight pack, the comment will seemingly appear out of nowhere. “Whoa, sick powder boards, are you liking the 184s?” You look up, and there he is, a grinning mirage dressed in what can only be next year’s outerwear. As any polite human would, you answer with a nod. “Yeah, I really do,” you’ll say. “What are you skiing on?”
This is a mistake. You catch yourself a second later, but it’s already two seconds too late. “I’m glad you asked,” he’ll gush. No one else is, but here we are. You’ve just skied yourself into the well laid trap of the lift line gear guy. The next three to five minutes will be dominated by materials and technologies you’ve never heard of—all of which are infused into this talkative stranger’s hardgoods, and his identity at large.
You see this tip dampener? It was tested at the speed of sound. Do you like these new AT boots? I’ve been considering doing some mods but need to dig my bench out of storage.
There is no escape, you are trapped in a red-roped corral surrounded by loping winter buffa-bros. The only way out is forward, and did they just announce a wind hold? Your new acquaintance powers on as you start counting ways to drill into your own ear drum.
It’s unclear how lift lines became a breeding ground for this kind of unsolicited gear explanation, but the frequency of these encounters continues to grow year after year. Fueled by online sales and on-hill demos, the lift line gear guy has become an unavoidable staple of the lift-loading experience. To be frank, my guy, it’s killing the vibe.
So how do we save the sanctity of skiing from the overlords of overshare? I say we give them what they want: a lift line lane with an audience. Singles over here, doubles straight ahead, those that know the percentage of paulownia wood in the core of their quiver killer all-mountain ski over there. Like far, far over there. Sure, it will take a little self-awareness (which is asking a whole lot), but once the gurus of the goods figure it out, they’ll be happy to feel seen, heard, and ogled in like company. Thank me later, gear guy, and by the way, I heard the 192s ski way better.
